How to handle conflict over Christmas

by Jacky Lewis

You may be an uber-slick partner in a magic circle firm, but Christmas is just around the corner and you’re going to be thrown back into the bosom of your family? Will it be a haven of peace or a war-zone?  If it’s going to be the latter; read on…….

What is conflict??

We all know that families can be a minefield – everyone has their own ideas and they don’t hold back from making them heard. When people know each other well they can express their views without thinking and when they’re thrown together at Christmas families start to regress; old wounds and rivalries surface. We may have forgotten about the family pecking order of childhood, but here it is again right in your face.

Underneath it all..

So what can you do when you’re stuck for days on end with people whose views are poles apart from your own?  Well, lets delve a bit deeper and look at the psychological perspective. Underlying people’s attitudes are their own feelings of self-esteem.  In the hothouse situation of the family Christmas, this self-esteem can be challenged; people become defensive and so conflict surfaces more easily.   People become ‘entrenched’ in their conflict position and unable to move on.  It is difficult to appreciate other peoples’ value-systems if they differ fundamentally from your own; teenagers, for example, have a seriously different take on the world!

So rather than tearing your hair out and counting the minutes until Christmas is over; try the next few tips;

Strategies…

Think about these points:

• Be quiet!  Taking a breath and letting the other person express their view often helps in conflict.
• Avoid the temptation to ‘put someone right’ or contradict.  They are entitled to their views (more of less!)
• Listen to their world-view; how do things look from where they’re sitting?
• ‘Validate’ their position by summing it up.  You may not agree, but you can show you’ve understood it!
• Move the conversation on to a topic you know you can all agree on (neutralise the situation).
• Move away from old disagreements with parents, siblings etc…be grown up enough to relegate them to the dustbin of history! 

Of course, all these tips apply to work too.  We provide a range of small group and classroom development programmes with support from Jacky Lewis, Steve Whitbourn and others, to breakdown conflict in the office.  To learn more about what we can do, contact Patricia Wheatley Burt or Simon Taylor in the first instance for an initial conversation;  patricia@trafalgarpeople.com or simon@trafalgarpeople.com

As Trafalgar is a growing management consultancy, we are able to offer a wide range of tailored consultancy and development programmes.   To find out more, call Lucy Macgregor:  on 00 44 20 7565 7547 or email us on: solutions@trafalgarpeople.com